The Tug of Autumn
At noon I stood in stillness
amidst a cathedral of browning oaks~
chin up, mouth agape, watching
leaves languish from the trees.
It was raining and the tug of autumn
was surely here.
I would like to be wiser, calmer,
more at home in the world.
I’d like to give my days
the delighted artfulness
of courtship, merging, lingering,
bearing witness, offering praise.
I want to hold what holds us.
~Ingrid Goff-Maidoff
Lately I’ve been considering this question from the Zen poet Ryokan, “If you point your cart north when you want to go south, how will you arrive?” I think I might do this often- second guessing myself, my deepest calling- trading in the inconceivable for the conceivable, which is often too small. Does this ever happen to you?
I’ve been doing a bit of walking lately, and asking myself some good hard questions, like “Is it God I converse with on my trail, or my own wide and mysterious life?” and “Is it a visitation I wait and long for, or the awakening of an awareness?” Must a distinction be made? Must I choose? Could it be both/and?
These kinds of questions prompt two desires: the first is to escape into the arms of a lovely sleep. And the second is to lean into the mystery, and see how I am held.
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I wrote the above poem as I was beginning to feel a new energy flow into my life. Rose has been away at college for a few weeks, and I must admit I built much of my world around her (and Jonah and Bella.) As with a break-up or separation, it’s quite an unravelling- quite an adjustment in the Mothering journey to have a child venture from the nest. She seems to be doing very well. And I am doing much better. In the first week I was surprised by how I would be overcome with emotion at any moment. There was no sense in repressing this- it felt very necessary and life affirming to let it move through my body. With the poem below, I invite you- I offer tender permission- to let some of your own sorrows out.
WOMEN’S RETREAT ON MARTHA’S VINEYARD ~ November 12-14th 2010
If you are longing for a weekend of renewal, refreshment, inquiry, sisterhood, and a lot of wonderfulness in between, check out this women’s retreat that I will be co-facilitating with Anne Colangeli and MJ Bindu Delekta. We will gather at MJ’s Sacred Circle of Yoga, and allow the weekend to unfold as it will, depending on what our hearts yearn for.
Connect to your deepest self through yoga, poetry, laughter, play and relaxation…