The Riddle Of The Self

by Ingrid Goff-Maidoff

The following are a few thoughts
on finding yourself, losing yourself,
being true to yourself,
and letting yourself go...

"This Self is the honey in all beings,
and all beings are the honey in this Self."
~Upanishads

I've often pondered the riddle of the self, wondering how it is that we are encouraged to nurture the self, and yet not to be selfish. I've often marveled at how we can experience great happiness in finding ourselves, and an equal bliss in forgetting ourselves for a while.

What I have discovered through inquiry and reflection is that there are two forms of self: there is Self with a capital S, and there is the lower-case self. Self with the capital S is Spirit, God, Sacred Energy, the soul, our inner divinity. (The honey in all beings.) That is the self we want to identify with more often. That is where our sense of absolute belonging and happiness comes from. When we forget that Self, we identify, by default, with the lower-case self; the one who feels separate, empty, and lacking of----sacred energy, divinity, God, (you fill in the blank.)

The best forms of "self-help" are the ones that lead us right into the arms of Self with a capital S. Once there, we realize that all is well, we are home, we are beautiful, and we are loved. Many traditions suggest that we must come to realize that we are at once a wave, and a part of the ocean- not separate from the ocean, at the same time.

"Self-improvement" proves to be a strange term. There is nothing to improve. We are wonderful as we are. When we realize our Self, personality problems such as fatigue, whining, competitiveness, comparison, complaining, and general self-loathing often dissolve.

Shifting our focus from self-centered to Self-centered (little wave to Big Ocean) can fill the heart with joyful happiness, exuberance, purpose, exquisite energy, creativity, and love.

How do we do this? Well, (speaking for myself,) I find reading sacred literature and poetry, meditation, writing, and walking to be immensely helpful. For you it might be something else. Any activity in which we forget ourselves (small s), and feel our inter-connection with ALL, will work here. Some would call this learning to globalize.

When I was young, I eagerly scribbled these lines of Henry Miller's into my journal,

"Develop interest in life as you see it;
in people, things, literature, music~
the world is so rich, simply throbbing with
rich treasures, beautiful souls, and interesting people.
Forget yourself."

I've spent many an hour fully engrossed in an activity, completely emerged, blissfully happy, only to realize that I had entered an Infinite, Eternal place...I had forgotten myself. This brings to mind the phrase, "to let yourself go." And as much as it sounds like surrendering to the moment and shedding fears and imagined limitations, it often seems to imply that someone who has "let herself go" is in need of a good night's rest and a hair-cut. Some day, when I am older and wiser, I intend to let myself go, (self with a small s). I would like to shed fears, limitations, and the word "can't". I would also like to care less whether my hair is brushed or not, whether my clothes are clean, and whether I'm upholding other seemingly petty social norms. Someday- but not yet...I don't want to scare the neighbors.

I know that I am being "true to my Self, ~ my Essential Self" when I have identified with the sacred essence within me, and feel guided by that energy. It is from there that I find my calling, my purpose; the gift I long to give to the world.

We make peace with ourselves when we acknowledge our God-Self ~ our divinity~ as a sacred contract, and integrate that to inform our way of being in the world. When our actions are in keeping with our values, we feel at peace.

To express this idea more poetically, I wrote the following selections on Self for "The Honey Sutras, Soul Wisdom from the birds and the bees":

You will know joy
when you love your Self.
What is this Self?
It is the ocean you are melted in.

More than your character, habits, or needs,
more than the voice that chatters
like a scolding squirrel high in a tree,
your Self is the Divine light within you.

It is your soul~
the deep consciousness that knows
love, peace, and compassionate understanding.

Self knows its own sweetness.
Self lights its own way.
Self needs nothing,
living in contentment,
fullness, harmony, and joy.

The Upanishads say:

This Self is the Honey of all beings,
and all beings are the Honey of this Self.

Consider the phrase: be true to yourself.
Now reflect upon its meaning.

Self holds you in an eternal embrace,
and you hold Self like a hidden treasure.

Love this Self as Self loves you,
and a light will glow from your heart,
your eyes, your words, your deeds.

The poetry of Walt Whitman illustrates a thousand beautiful ways that one might celebrate oneself, find oneself, and lose oneself. In his poem, "Leaves of Grass", he embraces his bond with every being he comes in contact with. In "Song of Myself," and "Song of the Open Road" he celebrates inter-being, the pathways of the soul, and the many roads and experiences of a life lived well. His poetry exudes a joy and a confidence of one who knows his place in the world. I highly recommend a dose of him. He's delicious. He's got it.

I'll end with a few snippets, to entice you...

"I celebrate myself;
and what I assume you shall assume,
for every atom belonging to me, as good belongs to you.
I loaf and invite Soul;
I lean and loaf at my ease, observing a spear of summer grass...."

~Song of Myself, Walt Whitman

...And from "Song of the Open Road...

"Afoot and light-hearted, I take to the open road,
healthy, free, the world before me,
The long brown path before me, leading me wherever I choose.

Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing. Henceforth I ask not good-fortune ~ I myself am good-fortune;

Strong and content, I travel the open road...

...You road I enter upon and look around!
I believe you are not all that is here;
I believe that much unseen is also here....

...I am larger, better than I thought;
I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me;
I can repeat over to men and women,
You have done such good to me,
I would do the same to you...

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